Friday, March 5, 2010


by Becca Simone
Author of Midnight Treat, published by The Wild Rose Press

To celebrate our first Flirty Friday on this blog, I thought I'd talk about...what else? Flirting.

From to court triflingly or act amorously without serious intentions; play at love; coquet.

From Wikipedia: Flirting is a common form of social interaction whereby one person obliquely indicates a romantic or sexual interest towards another. It can consist of conversation, body language, or brief physical contact. It may be one-sided or reciprocated (encouraged) with intentions of getting to know that person on a higher level.

Flirting is, at its most basic, a way to meet potential mates and see if they are compatible. In some situations, such as at a dance or a party, flirting is the only way to open the door to a romantic relationship with someone you don't know and might not otherwise ever see again. Because of all of this, flirting is a very important skill, and it's one that makes a lot of people nervous. There is an art of flirting, though, and it's an art that can be learned.

Why we flirt: There are as many reasons people flirt as there are types of flirting. We might flirt for pure amusement, because it’s fun, even though we have no intention of pursuing a relationship. We might flirt with someone we find attractive to gauge their possible interest. If they flirt back, they’re probably interested. We might flirt with someone else to make the person we’re with jealous. We might flirt to prove to ourselves we’re attractive and desirable to the opposite sex.

Types of flirting:

Flirting can involve our words, gestures, postures, and expressions, and touch.

Flirting usually starts with eye contact, then prolonged eye contact

A slight smile

Laughing at his jokes (even if they’re not funny)

A casual brush of the hand against his arm, or the top of his hand

Teasing comments

Fun banter


Nine Steps to Successful Flirting (from

  1. Lower your expectations

  2. Have fun and don’t take it seriously

  3. Look approachable

  4. Read his body language. Does he look approachable?

  5. Make eye contact, but don’t stare

  6. Initiate a conversation

  7. Gradually share some information about yourself, but don’t do all the talking. Give him your undivided attention

  8. Use body language to tell him you’re interested. Casually touch his hand or arm, etc.

  9. Close the deal. Get his phone number.

When was the last time you flirted? Who was it with? How did it go?


Becca Simone said...

Hi everyone,
Sorry for some of the wonky formatting. Blogger doesn't like me sometimes (feeling is mutual).

Ms Menozzi said...

I'm from the Southern U.S. Flirting is a way of life, there. (At least for the women.) I moved to Italy, where flirting is a cultural obligation. (In that regard, I've never been happier. LOL!)

It's just natural, I guess, and since there's no threat of anything more resting behind it, it's loads of fun! So, of course, this means that the nine steps aren't quite what's going on here. (I'm not trying to close any deals at all!)

Dawne Prochilo said...

Flirting is the basis to every relationship whether new or in a marriage of a decade...flirting makes love what it is

Jeanne St. James said...

Becca, this is great! I am married and I still flirt. It is just fun.

Armenia said...

Flirting comes natural to me, well, I did learn from the best. My mom. When she does it, it makes the recipient act more at ease and cajoling. Whether its a man or woman. Its fun, harmless, nothing really behind it except just being witty.

J.A. Saare said...

I'm a horrid flirt. I always make a fool of myself. ;)

Savanna Kougar said...

I'm not the best at flirting, either. Though, with a few men, I shine and find it utterly natural whether it's just for fun or for something more serious.

Sometimes flirting with women is just plain fun, it makes socializing turn into a good time.

Dawne Prochilo said...

The best flirting comes through texting (sexting) for me...gets your motor running ! ♥

Estella said...

I have been married so long I am glad you gave the definition flirting.

Keta Diablo said...

So kewl, Becca!

Love the picture.

As always I'm apologizing for posting over you. Dang, I don't know what happened, but my Thursday Thirteen showed up and I couldn't get rid of it.

I am sorry. I think it's gone now. Keta grinding teeth.

A techie I am not.

Anyway, Lovely job. I really liked hearing all about flirting. And remember those days so well.

Have a great weekend, Hugs, Keta

Elise Hepner said...

I have no idea how to flirt. My idea of flirting is hugging someone and then running away. It's how I caught my husband lol.

Becca Simone said...

I've long since forgotten how to flirt, so writing this post was a good refresher course for me. I was never good at it though.

keta--no worries. I never saw your Thursday 13 over mine. And if I had, no biggie. I'm easy. Just ask my husband. :)

Chloe Waits said...

Great post on flirting. I think Look Approachable is a great one, guys are nervous too and some signals are needed. I playfully rubbed my hubby's head on our first date and he says that gesture was one of the signs he received that showed I was interested.