Tuesday, November 15, 2011

I think I want to be a romance novel heroine...

“Because sometimes in life, Ken didn't always choose Barbie. (Jane Alcott)” ― Rachel Gibson, See Jane Score

Then he bent his head and kissed her – a long, sweet kiss under moonbeams that caressed them both lovingly.” ― Kelly Curry, Happily Ever Afton

Today, as I balanced the checkbook, watching the cash diminish, I realized sometimes it would be nice to live as a romance novel heroine. So, I thought I would make a comparison of the things heroines do or have that would make life so much easier—fictionally, of course.

First up is money….

A heroine might be born into a family of wealth or marry a hero who is rich as Midas. If those options aren’t available, she has a great job that provides for all her various needs. She rarely struggles with money, bills, overdrafts, or going without to make ends meet. I’ve never read a heroine who has clipped coupons or is a staunch club-card user. If she needs something, there is always a way to get the things she requires even if it means waiting until the end of the book for her HEA.

Normal, ordinary me and those like me, have a stack of coupons and look for deals to save a dollar or more. They have honest jobs, making a living by clocking hours at their workplace. She’s middle-class, is frugal, and puts away just enough for a decent nest egg. She might have kids to put through college or is paying off ginormous student loans. Any which way, it would be nice not to have to worry about the daily cost of living.

Next is beauty….

There are many types of heroines. They are tall, thin, small, curvy, plump and short. Some are tiny and vulnerable, while others are lithe and strong. The heroine’s make-up rarely ever runs unless she’s cried. Her hair is perfectly coifed whether in a pony tail or worn loose. She doesn’t have to deal with a home dye job that leaves dye on her skin in unsightly blotches. If she chips a nail, she might just have her favorite nail salon on speed dial. Her clothes look great on her no matter her body type. When her wavy hair gets frizzy, it is inevitable that the hero will think it’s charming. She has gorgeous eyes, perfectly arched brows without that darned straggler that the tweezers or wax missed.

Some average ladies struggle with gray roots that seem to come back way too soon after a visit to the beauty salon. They might have a few unsightly hairs growing on places where they are not happy to see them. Some of them had botched hair cuts that are awkwardly growing back. She might be happy to fit into a 12/14 or be a tiny petite that the stylish clothes won’t look fabulous on. Boots and high-heels pinch her toes and make her feet ache like hell. Her only pair of stockings has a run in one side. She prefers yoga pants and a comfy tee-shirt, with a beat-up pair of Toms on her feet. She could bite her nails or even have some callouses. All of these things are rarely seen as a heroine’s issues. To be pretty from the moment I awaken would be awesome.

Then we have the houses….

Heroines live in pretty, nice places. The abode might be an apartment, flat, condo or mansion but their décor is stylish, the place is clean and tidy, and everything accentuates the space precisely. The counters are shiny. Laundry is out of sight. Even the bathroom counters are germ free.

I have two kids and a puppy. My house will not look like a heroine’s no matter how hard I try. At some point in the day, there will be a pile of laundry waiting to go into the washer, dishes stacked in the sink, crumbs I missed from the breakfast sweeping, dog toys everywhere, and one mismatched sock on the floor in the hallway. Though I keep the house clean and we have a wonderful woman who comes and helps out with the heavy duty scrubbing, this house is going to look lived in. Perhaps if I was single and kidless, I could happily Swiffer my home until it sparkled. Since those options are null and void, I’m going to live vicariously through a heroine with a spotless kitchen and weekly maid service.

So what about you? What does a heroine have that you would love to include in your own life? Beauty, riches, a dream house? Or maybe we should do one on her hero’s attributes. I wonder if he steels the covers, flips channels obsessively and eats raw onions on everything. Lucky heroine always wins big in the hero department. Have you ever read a book or written a story that has a heroine struggling to make ends meet, beauty that isn't classic and endearing, or lives in a hovel? I'd be so interested in reading about Average Joe-(anne).

Thanks for stopping by today. Have a wonderful Wednesday.