Thursday, April 21, 2011

13 Things That Could Happen If...

My Successful Self-Made Hero
I'm taking a writing course from Holly Lisle, and in it, she suggested we let our muses run wild with the worst that could happen to us -- if we finish writing our current books. I modified my arm-length list to fit today's format of thirteen things.
What could happen
if I finish my book:

  1. It will be published and become a best selling book.
  2. It will receive accolades in the press.
  3. A producer will buy the rights and make a movie.
  4. The contract will have a hidden clause that lets them make carte blanche changes.
  5. I'll be invited to meet the actor who plays my hero, but they'll have rewritten the part to make him a white, ivy-league college graduate alcoholic and mine was a black, self-made man who succeeded the hard way and doesn't drink because his daddy was an abusive drunk.
  6. Instead of a Science Fiction Action Adventure, it will be a parody about cops in space, with an alien partner who looks like two floating people made from cheap green balloons, and he speaks only in burps.
  7. They'll change it from a heart-warming romance to a good-cop/bad-cop bromance, with the alien duo-guy being the good cop, but no one knows what he's saying and the subtitles all say "Burp!"
  8. It'll be rated PG, but it will have jokes that are inappropriate for kids, while lacking anything adults enjoy.
  9. They'll hire an unknown cast of actors who have no box office draw, and can't act, so it'll be booed and hissed and called a failure for lousy FX.
  10. The producers will sue me for making a Facebook page that urges people to boycott the film because they ruined the story.
  11. I will take out a countersuit to clear my name -- but I'll lose.
  12. Theaters will demand their money back, and the producers will tell them to sue me, and they will, and I'll lose again.
  13. I'll live in a cave and never come out in the light of day, and I'll never write another book.

Their "Alien Buddy"
And all of that happens because I finish writing this book.

But maybe not.

Damn. I feel much better now. In fact, that was kind of fun! So... what's keeping you from writing your book?


Jennifer Leeland said...

LMAO!!!! This is great, Kayelle!!!!!

Darla M Sands said...

This is great! Unfortunately, my critic seems to have decided that I write crap and I can't seem to get back in the groove. Sigh... Best wishes!

Maddy Barone said...

Nice list! Some made me laugh,because some are so far fetched and some seem horifically possible. :)

Vivien Jackson said...

Awesome! That had me literally laughing out loud. Incidentally, I'm taking Holly Lisle's sideways course. If you're interested in meeting up on the forums, e-mail me. :) I haven't been very active there because I didn't know anybody, and I wasn't sure my erotic cyberpunk would be a good fit. Besides, I'm writing under another name there.

Kayelle Allen said...

Jennifer - thank you, thank you, I'll be here all day. ;o

Darla - kick the critic to the curb and go for it!

Maddy - How true. Sadly, the far(thest) fetched ones are likely the first 3. *_*

Vivien - I write gay romance so I'm not sure I fit that well. We def need to meet up!

See what happens when you let the muse go crazy? LOL

Savanna Kougar said...

Wowza, that is some imagination, Kayelle!!! I would never have thought of all that. But then, the movie industry is so black-gov-run these days, I don't even think about them much anymore. And, even if you did sell your book in a movie deal... hell, the IRS would be breathing down your neck for money you don't even have yet.

Apologies, for the gloom and doom, but realism has a way of doing that to me. And, since, I would adore making a movie myself... well, that's a dream that's gone by the wayside.

Anyhoo, Darla, I say 'screw' the critics, unless they give a good review. I have those who love my books and those who don't. And, THANK YOU, to all who do!!! 'Cause, I love ya!

Bratty said...

Wow that's one scary list. So um..... are you turning in the book or not? :P

Kayelle Allen said...

Bratty - oh hell yeah! It's a sequel to an EPIC winner and I don't care what it takes, I'm going to finish the frickin' thing. My writing motto "Never let anyone steal your dream" keeps me going.

Savanna, Right you are on the IRS. Heavens to Mergatroid - they won't want to miss a penny or two. ;)

Cara Bristol said...

Funny! The worst things rarely happen, thank goodness!