What is the Bro Code?
Hi, I'm Randi Alexander and I write cowboy and cowgirl erotic romance. I'm published with The Wild Rose Press, Cleis Press, and I'm also self-published. My newest release, Turn Up the Heat, is available now from The Wild Rose Press.
Thank you, Dawne, and all the rest of the badly behaved romance writers. It's a pleasure to be here today.
My hubby has a Kindle, and the first thing he does every morning before he gets out of bed is to look and see what the free app of the day is. He's gotten some really great ones, like the Peter Rabbit book that self-reads to the kids in a lovely British woman's voice. And an '80s music lyrics game that keeps us up far too late at night.
This week, I picked up his Kindle to check and see what other apps he's downloaded, and I found The Bro Code. "What?"
When you open it, it's a black screen with tiny little white writing - maybe so 'chicks' can't read it over a bro's shoulder?
Here's one: Bro Code 80 - A Bro shall make every effort to aid another Bro in riding the tricycle (engaging in a threesome), short of completing the tricycle himself. The total age of all the three should be less than 83.
I couldn't stop laughing. Who wrote this? I could just imagine a bunch of guys sitting around drinking beer and coming up with this loony rule. Especially the age thing. How arbitrary!
Bro Code 111 - If a Bro discovers another Bro has forgotten to sign out of his email, the Bro will sign out for him, but only after first sending a few angry emails to random contacts and then deleting all sent messages.
Perfect! I can just imagine Grandma Flossie opening her e-mail and getting a nasty note from her grandson about her body odor.
Bro Code 91 - If a group of Bros suspect that their Bro is trying to give himself a nickname, they shall rally to call him by an adjacent yet more demeaning nickname.
Wanna be called Duke? Yeah, your Bros will start calling you Puke.
Bro Code 50 - If a Bro should accidentally strike another Bro's undercarriage with his arm while walking, both Bros silently agree to continue on as if it never happened.
Um…unless the struck Bro was hit hard enough that he's rolling on the ground holding his danglers.
Bro Code 138 - A real Bro doesn't laugh when a guy gets hit in the groin. Exception: Unless he doesn't know the guy.
Nice, huh? You've seen America's Funniest Home Videos. About 74% of them involve groin strikage.
Bro Code 36 DD - When questioned in the company of women, a Bro decries fake breasts.
Yes, this happens all the time! Now we know they're lying!!!
Bro Code 25 - A Bro doesn't let another Bro get a tattoo, particularly a tattoo of a girl's name. The average relationship between a man and a woman lasts 83 days. The relationship between a man and his skin lasts a lifetime, and must be nurtured because the skin is the largest and second most important organ a man has.
That last part probably says it all.
If you have a guy in your house, you may want to suggest that they download this app. Bros should know this stuff, I guess.
Now it's your turn. Let's see how creative you are. What would you like to add to the Bro Code? Leave a comment for a chance to win an ebook.
Mackenzie Jarvis has never slept with a woman. So why has she fallen madly in lust with Gina Volto, host of the reality cooking show Mackenzie is competing in? Mackenzie’s wild desire to live out her fantasy, battles with her conservative Wyoming values. Then Gina pours on the seduction, Mackenzie runs–home to her ranch, her horses, and her busy career as the owner and chef of a restaurant. But Gina shows up at her ranch in a snowstorm, and Mackenzie allows herself one weekend of forbidden, kinky pleasure.
When Gina admits she wants more than just a few days, can Mackenzie ignore her upbringing and her plans for a traditional life with a husband and children? Or will she give in and turn up the heat?
EXCERPT: Over 18 only, please.
Gina leaned back into Mackenzie’s arms as they stared across the snowy field at the distant mountains.
Mackenzie couldn’t resist Gina’s gorgeous profile. She admired the tanned skin of her long, graceful neck, knowing how soft and fragrant it would feel on her lips. Knocking off her own hat, she bent her head and tasted the sweet, exposed skin.
Gina groaned and melted into Mackenzie’s embrace. She unzipped her coat and pulled Mackenzie’s hand to her breast.
A bolt of hot passion exploded low in Mackenzie’s belly, swelling her pussy and stiffening her clit. God, this woman was insatiable. As insatiable as Mackenzie was for her. Every minute, every movement they shared ignited a spark between them.
Mackenzie pinched and rolled Gina’s nipple, suddenly questioning whether this feeling could last. Especially when they returned to their separate lives. She’d had enough boyfriends to remember how the initial fireworks sputtered and fizzled with time.
Gina moaned and unzipped her snow pants, tugging them down to mid thigh. She unzipped her jeans and guided Mackenzie’s other hand down past her belly button.
Mackenzie pushed aside her depressing, pensive thoughts. “Gina, you’re so damn horny. I can’t get anything done between trying to satisfy you, and you giving me an orgasm every hour.”
“You love it, girl. Admit it.” Gina tipped her hips up to Mackenzie’s hand.
Mackenzie growled. “God, I do.” She slipped her hand lower, inside the lacy panties, into Gina’s bare pussy, one finger going right to her clit. Her own lips tingled and creamed, needing Gina’s touch.
Gina shuddered and sighed, and Mackenzie dipped lower to capture pussy juice from Gina’s swollen lips and carry it to her hard bead. She rubbed gently, knowing how tender her own clit was after all the times Gina had stroked her into orgasm in the last day.
Gina’s whimper of pleasure turned Mackenzie’s lust into a desperation to please this perfect woman. She increased her pressure on Gina’s nipple while Mackenzie’s lips sucked and nibbled at her neck, just under her ear where Gina’s pulse beat fast for her.
In seconds, Gina shouted, startling the horses—and Mackenzie a bit as well—as her quick response to Mackenzie’s touch made her body quiver.
Mackenzie held her tight, sucking, rubbing, tweaking, riding her lover into yet another orgasm quickly after the first one.
Gina panted and relaxed her muscles, relying on Mackenzie to hold her. “Sweet girl,” Gina whispered, “you’ve got me wrapped around your middle finger.”
Mackenzie laughed at the play on words. She brought her finger to her lips and tasted the musky-sweet juices.
Gina watched as Mackenzie lapped at her middle finger, and said, “I’d like to have you wrapped around my tongue.”
To celebrate my new release, I'm giving away, to one *commenter, an e-copy of my erotic romance anthology Cowboy Bad Boys. Just leave a comment today and we'll choose a winner tomorrow. *Commenter must be 18 years of age or older to win.
Because Turn up the Heat is about a chef, I'm giving away a really cute custom-made apron and potholder set to one lucky person who joins my mailing list before August 8.
Good luck, and thank you!
Randi "Rode Hard and Put Up Satisfied"
Wild and Wicked Cowboys Blog
69 Shades of Smut Blog
-Turn Up the Heat and all my Wild Rose books are available at The Wild Rose Press and all my books are available at Amazon