Thursday, February 9, 2012

Top 13 Reasons Why Not to Read Romance

Reading with Caution.
After careful consideration, and much placing of tongue in cheek -- no, not French kissing, get your mind out of the gutter -- I have decided that Romance books are not good for me and have decided to Give Them Up. (yeah, right!) Here's why.

1.  Reading Romance might lead women to believe men can be more sensitive and caring, and this unrealistic expectation could lead to unhappiness.
2. If I read Romance, I might think that I could find a perfect love and have a happily ever after, and that isn't realistic either. Just ask a psychiatrist.
3. In fact, living happily ever after probably isn't good for the economy. You wouldn't need anti-anxiety medication or drugs for depression, and since this is a huge market in the United States, living happily ever after could actually cause a loss of jobs in the pharmaceutical industry.
4. Having too many choices of subgenres is not a good thing. It can lead to long term frustration from having to make up your mind which type of book to read.
5. Realism is better for the world. The sooner we face the fact that life is tough, the better we can deal with it. Best not to get your hopes up.
6. Women are in danger when reading these books. I read that "...marriage therapists caution that women can become as dangerously unbalanced by these books’ entrancing but distorted messages as men can be by the distorted messages of pornography." (Shaunti Feldhahn quoting another source)
7. If I read Romance novels I might end up being dumb. According to at least one blogger, these kinds of novels are children's stories with adult themes, and don't deserve any real attention anyway. They are not "true literature." (referenced tongue in cheek by Leia Shaw, on Susan Hanniford Crowley's blog)
8. Romance books about ménage partners, same sex partners, and other non-one woman/one man Romances might destroy the fabric of America. I mean gee, aren't those kinds of stories somehow wrong? Even the More Than Magic contest at RWI got that right. [Please do not write letters, folks. This is humor, okay? Dark, but humor.]
9. Women have better things to do than sit around reading Romance books. There are kitchens to clean, floors to scrub, and there is laundry to be done. In fact, reading anything other than cookbooks or articles about child-rearing and being a good wife is probably just a waste of a woman's time.
10. Taking a Romance novel to the beach to read might lead me to make bad choices. (Eryn Brown, LA Times quoting Journal of Family Planning and Reproductive Health Care)
11. "Han Solo, Michael Corleone, Maximus, Rhett Butler and even Batman... Bad Boys are the difficult and morally complex men that women love in books and movies." And obviously, loving "bad boys" is a bad thing, right? Right? (Why We Love the Bad Boys in Romance Novels)
Romance Cover Model Jimmy Thomas
12. Hunky male models on the cover of Romance novels might make me less than satisfied with my own husband. I might be unable to differentiate between a photo of a man on the cover of a novel and a real man who's sitting beside me.
13. While we're talking about hunky male models, looking at the covers of Romance books with hot models on them might cause me to engage in lust. *hears crickets chirping* Okay, you got me. That one's true!

I hope no one has taken any of this seriously. It's a follow up to one about the reasons I do read Romance. You can find it here. So... why do YOU think Romance is bad for you?
- - -
Kayelle Allen is an award-winning, multi-published author. Her heroes and heroines include badass immortals, warriors who purr, and agents who find...well, the unfindable. And sometimes (shh!) make them disappear again. She is known for unstoppable heroes, uncompromising love, and unforgettable passion. You can find her on the web in these places:


Janice Seagraves said...

*snort* Yeah, reading romance might lead me to have hot kinky sex with my husband.

And gee, he wouldn't want that now would me? In the background my hubby is saying hell yeah!



Karen Cote said...

My mother warned me about Very cute.

Amelia James said...

Romance novels are bad for me because... wait... they're bad? But I like bad. ;)

Kayelle Allen said...

I asked my husband if he thought reading Romance novels was bad for me. The look on his face was priceless. It was a mix of WTF? and Holy crap, I have to answer this right! LOL

Kayelle Allen said...

Thank you. Have to say, I was worried someone would take me seriously. LOL

Kayelle Allen said...

Now you're talking, Amelia! =^_^=

helgaleena said...

shared a link to this at

because you rock the satire, Kayelle!

Avadonja said...

So that's why I'm dumb. I've wondered. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have floors to scrub.

Avadonja said...

tweeted a link to this post.

And, why is it bad for me? Ummm...I've got nothing.

Erin Kane Spock said...

This was hilarious. If anything, romance novels have helped my marriage.
Okay, romance novels are bad because women shouldn't be reading in the first place. A woman should be pregnant, cleaning, and servicing her man. Reading just makes women think and a thinking woman is dangerous.

Savanna Kougar said...

Priceless, Kayelle, absolutely priceless. Yeah, we wouldn't want big pharma to lose customers and therefore jobs.

Besides, it's just damn evil to present a vision of life that is healthy, passionate, loving, sexy, and happily erotic.

Kayelle Allen said...

LOL Thank you. *bows* I commented on your link.

Kayelle Allen said...

Damn right we're dangerous. We change the world when we think. =^_^=

I'm so thankful to have the opportunity to share satirical concepts with thinking women who "get" what I'm trying to say. Thanks for commenting.

Kayelle Allen said...

The world could end, if everyone suddenly got laid and had romance in their lives. Wow. Just think of the implications! LOL